Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Working Through My Pain Barefoot Sitting Down In The Kitchen

Salted Sourdough Pretzel with Cheddar Cheese
In this day in age it takes some tightening the belt to make things possible. Everyone is living with less money. You find yourself asking yourself how can I save some money? How can I do things different in my life, and around my home to save money? For me it was not only to better my well being it gave me things to do. You see the things I cook, and the crafts I make many don't understand the true WHY I do it. The meaning is far deeper than just cooking for my family. It's far deeper than me just not liking the preservatives in packaged foods so when possible I create my own at home. It's much deeper than that. I needed something to feel the empty void that this illness has left me. The "I can't do anything anymore void", so here I was I can't work anymore. I can't hardly go out with friends, I had allot things I could do in the past taken away from me. A doctor told me once told me:
"It's not about what you can't do. It's what you can do, and you my child are still capable of many things. You just have to find new ways of doing the old things you loved."
I had no idea how his statement would impact me that day........He was right, and I took his advice. Mostly in the kitchen. My kitchen got allot of modifications. I love to cook! He was right. How can I cook sick? So my husband helped me find illness friendly ways to modify my kitchen.
You see when you are as sick as me there are reason we do things. Most important a reason to live. Reasons to motivate. Let me tell you Ehlers Danlos hurts really bad sometimes! Then to pack on a double punch it brings on POTS/Dysautonomia, and these killer migraines. So imagine a day in my life folks. Just paint the picture in my life for one tiny second. I have joint pain, it's not uncommon a joint is dislocating, I will have a migraine, and heart palpations with tachycardia. Maybe some dizziness, lightheadedness, and nausea. This is my normal. Daily. Day in, and day out. Some days are worse. But I can't lay around, and say 'wo is me', and 'I wish I was dead'. What good would that do? Nothing. That negativity crap only causes your body to feel worse. The whole mind over matter. So I need things to get lost in my pain. Reasons to get out of bed. Motivation to want to get out of bed. Remember I said I hurt, so if I don't enjoy something I won't want to work through that pain. I know many don't understand it. But I do, and anyone with a chronic illness does. You lay in bed moaning, and groaning you feel worse. Sure some days I can't get up. I'm that sick. But on the days I can, even if it's for a little while there has to be distractions. Because pain is always there. Day in, and day out. Pain does not leave. Pain is a permeant part of my life. My normal. So I must get lost in my pain.
Cream of Mushroom Soup (lactose free)
So along with these illnesses they bring restrictions. Diet restrictions of course. You can't eat this, this, this, and this. Like MSG, and Nitrates I quickly learned they are in everything! Especially MSG. So these led me to getting creative, and learning to make allot of my own food. From scratch. My 2012 New Years Resolution was to cook, and eat less processed foods. You all have to understand that my family, and I did eat that many to begin with. I cooked all the time. Home made meals. So this resolution meant to me getting even MORE creative in the home, and in my kitchen. So by doing this I learned to make my own Cream of Mushroom Soup, Cream of Chicken, seasoning salt, Beef Rice Pilaf, Chicken Rice Pilaf, Herb Rice Pilaf, Lime Ginger Chicken Noodle Soup, and I went back to making my own bread. I even started making these salted pretzels like from the deli. Yet I'm perfecting the cheese dipping sauce. So in the midst of this journey my mom said "why don't you make a cookbook this year for Christmas" You see each year my husband, and I make only homemade gifts for the adults for Christmas. So she suggested that this year I make my own cookbook. She found a place I can print it for not allot of cash. Like she suggested I still pay some money in materials making my crafts. So this is what I'm doing this year. Most people already know, and are very excited as allot of family members always ask for my recipes all the time.
Lime Ginger Chicken Noodle Soup (a must have staple for chronic nausea & vomiting)
So you can imagine the fun, and tedious task it is to cook something you have cooked for 20 years, and 'just know the amounts of spices', then to measure each item. Just when I think I have cooked everything I have ever cooked, and have measured, and written it down my kids or hubby will say "what about this"? So it has turned into a chore to say the least. But you know what folks it gets me out of bed. It keeps my mind off of my pain. It gives me satisfaction that I can still do something. Because like I said it's deeper than just cooking. When one becomes ill we lose a part of ourselves. We can't work no longer. We feel inadequate . I miss the old me. Well cooking is still a part of the old me. I can still cook. Sure I have to sit down now, I use lighter tools, and my Kitchen Aid is a MUST! I was in tears when my sister gave me that for Christmas! It's a Gimples BFF!!!! I make bigger batches when I feel well, and freeze to get through my bad days when I can't cook. When I cook I still feel like I'm taking care of my husband, and kids. That I'm doing better for them because I'm giving them better food. It's not only better quality, less preservatives, and additives. I also do know that with all my diet restrictions I know exactly what is going in my food, and I can control it. So in the kitchen I feel a sense of control that this illness has taken from me elsewhere. This is why I give away so much food. It's my pay it forward. When I worked I paid it forward. so now that I can't I still honor pay it forward with cooking. So I give food to my husbands coworkers, neighbors, whomever. So if I offer you food, don't be offended. It's just my way of giving.
So no you all it's not just cooking it's so much more 'cuz Mama puts love in it'!
20120917-101643.jpgHoney Oatmeal Bread

No comments:

Post a Comment