Just Because I Have A Vagina Doesn't Mean I Don't Feel The Need To Support My Family

I got my first job when I was 14 years old. I did take a year off when I had my first child. I had other income coming in so I could do so. It wasn't like I took off work all the way. In that year I tried to go back to school, and I also had a part time job vacuuming the breezeways at the apartments I lived in. It was 2 days a week. I have worked from home, and worked outside the home. I always worked. Most of time I had 3 jobs.....one that was a day job that paid, the second I did hair on the side for pocket money, the third was my home, and family. All of which I don't get paid to do. Still a job all the same. I liked to work. I accepted it as what I had to do. I didn't mind. Many days I was on my feet from when I got up until right before bed. 

I feel this need to take care of my family. To pay bills, and be able to financially provide for them. I never was into that the whole Stay At Home Mom thing. Not that I thought it was bad, frankly I had to much energy to stay home all day. I also am a people person. I craved the attention I got from the many people I dealt with in my work. I like to please people. When you work with  the public you get to please many. Everyday if you are good. So work was not just 'what I had to do' it was a solace to me. Then at home I worked more. Most every night a home cooked meal, and a clean home. On top of school functions for the kids. It's what I did, and I liked it. Always on the go. 

Now you fast forward to the time now. Now I'm disabled. I don't work. This was such a hard time in my life. TO GIVE UP WORKING. It is still hard on me. Just because I have a vagina doesn't mean I don't feel the need to support my kids. I never bought into the whole man's job, and women's job thing. I'm a major Tom Boy at heart so I feel you can do what you want. I often had jobs I was the only women. I liked it that way. I didn't mind. I get along better with men. I was the same as most men. They feel this intense need to care for their wife, and kids. Well I have an intense need to help my husband 'bring home the bacon'. Why should it only be him that works? Only be his responsibly? I helped make those babies too. 

When I met my husband he thought that women should stay home care for the home, and kids. I informed him right away I wasn't that kind of girl. I will cook with the best, and I keep a clean house. I also love being a mom. However staying home to do so was not an option. It took a few years, but he realized he wasn't going to change this about me. He also realized after we started having kids that I could do both. Many times he couldn't keep up with me. I worked, and he accepted I needed to. Of course he didn't mind the help paying the bills either. 

Now I can't, and I feel like crap for that. I fight the 'worthless' feeling daily. I ask myself all the time 'could I go back to school? To learn a new less physical job?' Some say yes, some say no. I think about it all the time. I miss work. I miss all the things work gave me. Including money. The people. The fact that you accomplish things daily. You get paid for your talents, and knowledge. I see my husband struggle to make enough money, and it kills me! I feel that I have failed because I can't help him. He has never told me this, it's what I feel on my own. 

I sit here day after day, and think...think...think. Is this all that life has in store for me? Could I do more? I mean it's safe to say there hasn't been hardly anytime at all that I don't do little jobs on the down low. It's not much, and allot of time it kills me. Yet mentally I feel I have to. I'm always hustling up some money on the side even when my body doesn't like it. I just can't stay home all day, and do nothing. I may say nothing, but really it's not. I clean. Care for my youngest all day, and other 3 when they get home. I still cook a home cooked meal all the time. We rarely eat out. I even cook for others. I help friends out when they need it. So I do things, just things most often I don't get paid for. It is hard!

Mentally I'm still the same old me. Always on the go. Can do many things all at once. Mentally my memory is till good. I'm still sharp as a speedy plump little tack. However my new sick body often doesn't match my brain. My brain, and heart (body) are two separate entities. They usually fight over what I can, and can't do. Not very often, but some days I get LUCKY, and they are on the same page. Not very often. This get me into allot of trouble. How do I know which is right? The brain? Or the heart?

So I have been trying to get into some hobbies. Must of them can pay me to do so. Hey what can I say? I'm always hustling.......I feel I have to! So at least I'm trying to jeep busy, and earn a few bucks too. I don't know if I can ever fight the working urge? Who knows.....maybe I do need to go back to school?

Just never assume that giving up work is easy. At least not for me. Just because I'm a women doesn't magically make the not working transition easier. Not all women are created equal, and we aren't all the same. Just like if a man got injured on the job most would feel guilty. It would eat at them not being able to care for their family. Why am I any different? It doesn't go away easy.............................

What It's Like Living In A Body That Is Shorting Out

Your central nervous system consists of the brain, spinal cord, and retina. I love mechanical things, and know my way around car engines so I like to often refer to my body as being similar to a car. Sure I'm not as shiny, and I talk way more, but the human body, and a automobile really are similar. We both can malfunction. Both require fuel to run. We both need water. We both release stinky stuff from the rear. Both our exhaust stinks, and can be harmful to others. We both have to have water to run. Some are cold blooded. Some require speed. Some can go for miles, and miles living a long life with no 'mechanical' problems. We both come in all colors, shapes, and sizes. Some are fast like us. Some are slow, and trusty. Some haul loads of unnecessary junk in the inside. Some stink. Some make life easier, and some feel like a curse. We both over a lifetime cost a ton of money. Some require little money to maintain. Others are high maintenance. Some are a great fit within a family. Others family is unheard of. Their is a one for everyone. Some have cute nicknames. Some get called POS, and stupid by their loved ones. Some require special fluids to keep them going. Some have to have very expensive fuel to even run at all. Both have a wide choice of medicines to fix aliments, at all different cost levels. Both require a knowing professional to fix us when we are broken. Give us the wrong professional, and things don't get fixed properly......it takes 3 or MORE professional to get us on the right track.

So that being said. How does it feel to live in my body that shorts out like a POS car? Some days it pisses me off. Some days it's amusing. Other days it down right annoying, and gets in my way of doing things. Some days it's fun, and challenging. Sometimes it gets me attention. Sometimes I want it. Sometimes I don't. Either way I choose not to hide. I'm not so lovely that I need to park in the last row of the parking lot to escape a scratch. Yet I'm in okay shape that you don't want scratches, and dents for the whole world to see. If I polish my self up I feel better. I can always change my coverings to fit a certain mood. If you kick me I jiggle like a low tire. I cost allot to insure. Some days I'm full of spark, and other days I barely run. When it rains my coils get wet, and I'm not  good for anything. When my coils get to hot freaking forget it. Once I stop, and am silent forget about me going anywhere. Until I left alone to cool off.

Think of when wires short out. All kinds of odd things happen. Things that shouldn't happen. I had a van once the electric seats would move on their own, the windows wouldn't roll down. The heater blower motor would just turn off for minutes then mysteriously come back on. The headlights would flicker. The windshield wipers switched speeds on their own. Sometimes the gas gauge worked. Sometimes it didn't. I had a major short. The van pissed my husband, and I both off. We didn't have the patience to diagnose, and treat every little problem. It had to many 'little' problems that made it as a whole a BIG problem. So we sold it. I sold it to my very patient friend. He fixed everything, and what do you know? That van became their band van. It went all over hell, and back. For like 5 years, and thousands of miles. The same van I just knew needed a salvage yard.

Living in my body is about the same. When things short out in my neurological system all kinds of things happen. After all it controls everything! So I have hundreds of muscle spams a day. If I move a certain way my muscles will knot up, and I can't more for a few seconds. Sometimes I see spots. My ears ring. My eyes have been known to move back, and forth on their own. The pupils being different sizes. Sometimes I itch for no reason. I can smell things that really don't exist. Or see things that don't exist. Sometimes I can't smell at all. I will get goose bumps when it's 90 outside. My head can be burning up, and my feet ice cold. Some days I hear okay, other days I have a hard time hearing. Sometimes I shake or twitch. Some days I can do things of fine detail. The next day it's hard to hold a fork, and get food in my mouth. At times I'm numb, and don't feel things burning me, or cutting me. If I stand up I have to pee. No matter if I just did 5 minutes ago. I feel like I can't swallow when I can. Sometimes I feel like there is an elephant sitting on my chest. My blood pressure does what it wants, when it wants.

This happens because my neurological system is malfunctioning. It makes my life interesting to say  the least. This is just how I'm. It's not whether something will short out. It where, and what? Some professionals help me, and some make me worse. All in all I'm a temperamental being. So you will never figure me out. Just deal with me as I'm. This is just how I run. I never claimed to be of fine German engineering. Just bottom line American economy class that requires lots of upkeep, and PATIENCE.

At least I'm bought, and paid for! Just ask my husband, and Father in Law about that. So enjoy your ride like it's the only one you have. You are not guaranteed to be able to drive forever.

Never Simple

My life is never simple. It’s filled with rules, and restrictions, and things I have to do. This is my normal. This is the way I live. I have to do many things to just have an okay day. Nothing is as simple as talking on the phone, or going where I want. There is always strings attached. Many, many strings.

So no I don’t avoid you. I don’t ignore you. Sometimes it’s just to much for one day. Sometimes all the preparations are not worth what I’m trying to do in the first place. I’m over wishing that things could be simple. Things could be easy. That I was healthy. Or that I had more money. I’m not healthy, and I’m poor. I’m also short, and have hazel eyes. This is just how it is. My illness is a part of me just the same as my eye color. Sometimes it sucks. Just the same as being 4'10, and wearing a size 3/4 extra wide shoe does. Does that mean I don’t climb on counters to reach things? Ask my husband to reach things. My kids to climb for me. Footstools are a must in my house. As is sturdy chairs to climb on.  Sometimes I ask strangers in the store to reach stuff. I recently bought a tool to grab things up high. Sometimes I use spatulas, cooking spoons or fly swatters to reach things. Whatever it takes. I’m not going to NOT do something because of my pain in the a$$ height. I get it done. I find away. If plan A fails I hatch plan B. It’s never easy.......As like my very tall husband just reaches whatever on the highest cabinet shelves, and goes about his way. My vertical challenge will not stop me from getting the food on the top shelf at the store, and reaching my favorite bowl in the house. I just say “what do I need to do?”, and I do it.

My illness is the same way. I have to drink massive amounts of fluid a day. Take lots of pills. I have a list of food, that are not recommended. I’m lactose intolerant. I poop all the time, and therefore know where any John is anywhere I go. I pee all the time also. I spend a lot of time in the bathroom. I’m supposed to eat several small meals. I have to have things in my pure for pain, nausea, and runny nose. If I’m going to go some place loud I accept the fact my brain is gong to scramble. I won’t be able to think straight. My brain doesn’t do well anymore with stimulating environments. With lots of movement, and noise. I can’t drive much anymore. I don’t sweat so the heat is a big deal of things I can’t do. The extreme cold causes lot’s of pain, and numb extremities.  Everything that is done has to be planned. I have to ask myself allot of questions. Sometimes it’s as simple as can I handle it. My life is not just carefree do as I please anymore. I have to make choices, and choose what I want to do most. Planning. Nothing is without planning.

It’s always complicated. Always steps, and rules. I have learned to accept it. My life has never been day. Why start now? I embrace my complicated life for this is the cards I have been dealt. I can choose to be pist off or carry on happy. I choose to be happy about it. That is not to say that sometimes I don’t get discouraged. Sometimes I get pist off. Sometimes I’m sad. Aren’t you? Even those whom say their life is exactly the way the want it get these emotions. Why am I different? I just have strings attached. I still have normal human emotions.

You can love me the way that I’m or walkaway. I don’t have enough energy to fight with people anymore. On a daily basis. I have to reserve my fight for just living. So if I’m fighting with you all the time I have no fight left for me. To get out of bed. To do the simple things like clean my house, and care for my kids. It then becomes hard to keep a positive outlook. I can’t afford to not be positive about this. Hate breeds. The old saying ‘birds of a feather, flock together’. I don’t want to be mean, nasty, and hateful. I have no dire to be pist off all the time. Life goes on no matter how we feel. If I gave into all this negativity I would only feel worse. Mentally, and physically. I can’t afford anymore sick. I don’t have time. I have things to do. The same as you. I just have to do them differently. I still get them done. I can’t give up. If I did who would do everything for me? Not you or anyone else. So I mine as well fight like hell to be sure I can do what I need to do on my own. With all my rules, and strings. My many complications, and hard times. I just fight through it. You may not like who I have become, but I manage just fine. My method serves me well. I could be worse, and I could do less. I just wish you could see that I’m pretty amazing. I have lots of talents, and abilities. As does everyone in this world. I’m not just ‘this illness’, and all its complications. I’m still me just a little different. I can’t afford to not be strong. I will not let this illness win. I have better things to do. I also have plans. They may have changed, but plans all the same. I was meant to do more than this.

So everyday I wake up with a fight, and I end my night with a fight. How I choose to win my fight is my business. You may not agree, but in the end I get things done. Despite I could have many excuses. What’s the point? Other than I have my own standards to live up to. So I will keep fighting, and I will keep being me. Just slightly different, and changed. Still the same me inside. It’s a shame you don’t see it.

Migraine Triggers. Put that chocolate bar down!

Often people with migraines have triggers. You have enough of them you figure them oyt. It was brought to my attention about a year ago by my neurologist that foods are common triggers. Common foods: chocolate, caffeine, artificial sweeteners, nitrates, MSG, nuts, aged meat/cheeses.

He said to keep a journal. I'm like journal phhhhhh whatever. I did start paying attention to what caused headaches. He is still on my bunghole about the journal! Okay doc I will DO IT :) It does have a place in the world. I just 2 weeks ago learned of a new trigger. So that's why he told me write stuff down? What I ate etc; Plus the guy is trying to get my meds down to a science. I do keep track of how many migraines I have. So I kinda journal right?

 I learned right away nitrates does it every stinking time! So that also covers aged meats. Pepperoni, salami, and stuff like that. They also have nitrates. Nitrates are also common in hot dogs, lunch meat, bacon, and ham. So read your labels. I found lunch meat, hot dogs, sausage,  and bacon without it, and also without MSG. Nitrates will give me a migraine every time. EVERY TIME. So I have to be careful with this one. I like me some bacon, but is it worth it? The pain, numbness, puking, disco light show my eyes put on for me? The smelling cat pee, and burnt rubber?

Chocolate! Crapsicles! Why Dr? He said that its something doctors don't understand that people with migraines will crave chocolate almost insanely like pregnancy craving before a migraine then get a migraine. It's something they don't understand. It's also part of a migraine predome, and I need to pay attention! Scott is shaking his head yes! I have made the man go to the gas station in the middle of the night to buy me chocolate. As a kid I didn't like chocolate that much. I was a hard candy kid. Jolly Ranchers that kinda stuff. So ahhhh this chocolate stuff is all making sense! So chocolate is out. I can't lie. Sniff sniff I will miss that stuff. Sometimes I still eat it, and suffer later! So now to just get to school to stop sending home candy bars to sell. Every parent feels they must buy from their kid. As a parent it’s on page 146 of the parent hand book that we as parents must buy form our kids fundraisers. So I do, and I pay. Over, and over I might add. With nuts, and without, caramel, and rice crispies. Them evil fools.

MSG- Monosodium Glutamate. This a hard one. This stuff is in everything, and can be hidden other names such as textured protein, autolyzed yeast, yeast extract, glutamate, glutamate, glutamic acid, autolyzed plant protein, sodium caseinate, calcium caseinate, hydrolyzed protein, hydrolyzed vegetable/plant protein, and soy protein extract. I try to avoid it whenever I can, but sometimes it impossible. I was in my favorite Ranch so I switched to one without. It’s mostly in processed foods. I cook with an onion soup mix allot. I found one with MSG. I switched to these concentrated beef/chicken/vegetable packets to flavor soups that don’t have MSG for when I can’t make my own stock. Some things it’s just so hard to avoid. Like in cream of mushroom soup. I have 2 things I cook, and use this. I found a version without ‘added’ MSG which by far is way less, but still some in there. I need to master making my own, and canning my own. Or even freezing it will do. I’m a good cook I’m sure it would be tasty. It is one of those things it may bother you. It may not. I’m not extremely sensitive to the MSG, but what I did notice was if combined with another trigger, or if MSG was in more than one thing than I got a migraine. Or if I ate something with added MSG along with something with naturally occurring glutamic acid. Like tomatoes, mushrooms, aged cheeses, or even chives. So I cut back as much as I can to added MSG for the fact that is somewhat easier than to avoid eating a tomato. I need to journal more. I really do. The hubby thinks that I get headaches after eating the foods that are high in glutamic acid. So I need to write this down.

Artificial sweetener. He said that if I had to eat artificial sweetener then go with Stevia, 2nd choice Splenda. Stevia is natural so that was caught my eye. However I haven’t got used to the taste yet. I was told not eat a lot of sugar as sugar causes inflammation. Yet artificial sweetener can cause a migraine? So now what? I don’t drink a lot of soda, but now when I do I went back to one with REAL SUGAR. I don’t drink more than one a day. I cannot lie I miss my Diet. Dr. Pepper, but doc was right. That sugar knock off was giving me headaches....... I wish they would make that Dr. Pepper with real sugar again! Like they did for a limited time. I may only drink one a day, and will goes days, and not drink any. That makes them taste all the better. LOL. As for to sweeten the coffee also another one I don’t drink much. I have a peppermint coffee flavor with sugar I like. It’s sweet enough I don’t need anything else. If I’m someplace else Splenda it is. I just can’t do the real sugar yet in things like coffee or tea. Just can’t went to long NOT using sugar. I think the only reason I “like” the soda with sugar is it takes me back to being a kid. Like what pop tasted like then. That whole nostalgic thing? Sugar, and corn syrup don’t taste the same! However I do agree they both make you fat, and they are both high calorie. I just like sugar better. It’s not as sweet. Yet as for coffee, and tea. I’m just not ready yet. I’m working on it. Give me time. Maybe? Maybe I will give Stevia more time.........

Alcohol is another common trigger. No we are not talking headache hangover type trigger. The alcohol can trigger a true migraine on some people. I don’t drink enough to know if this causes me migraines or not. When I do drink it’s such a small amount I’m just not sure. I’m sure maybe if I got totally drunk it might? Then again may I not notice over the regular hangover crappy feeling?

Lack of sleep, or to little sleep. This is a common trigger. My sleeping is messed up so this is a toss up? I just thought I would mention it. Just in case? Lack of sleep makes everything more crappy. So bottom line try to get more sleep, and sleep your normal amount of time.

Stress. Well no sh@t Shirlock! Stress will do it every them. Plus raise the bp, and make me sick to my stomach. Then next day I have a migraine. Avoiding stress is easier said than done. I just say avoid the negative in your life. Like people. If they are not bringing positive to your life, then cut them lose, or limit the time you are around them. Try to limit your stress you will feel better for it. I know easier said than done some times. Just try.......

So pay attention to what does, and doesn’t cause your migraines. Often you will have triggers too. You can avoid them, and get less migraines. This is helpful. It also helps when you can avoid migraines because then you can avoid pain medications, and their added side effects. If you know things that cause migraines then it helps you to feel a little more in control by being able to prevent them. Like I said before easier said than done. Noone is perfect, and I mess up. OFTEN. Just do your best. Noone knows your body better than you do.

What NOT to say to someone Chronically Ill......

You look like hell, crap, sh@t, or any other insulting word. You think we don’t see the bags under our eyes when we are brushing our teeth? Or how about every time we walk by the wedding portrait in the hall when we looked lovely, and it stares at us? It reminds us how dreadful our skin looks, and the strange green tint it has taken on....... Maybe how thin we have become or how much weight we have gained? How pale we look? How thin our hair has become? You can think it, but please keep your pie hole shut!

When you have a rare illness most doctors don’t know allot about them. So that leads us as patients to doing a lot of research ourselves. We have to be our own advocates. We read, and study heavy on our illness, or illnesses. We know them well. Most times better than doctors. So unless you know what you are talking about for sure, as in you read a legit medical article, or reputable medical literature don’t talk about our illness as if you know about it. We are used to people NOT knowing. We are used to teaching people. We already have to deal with the frustrations of being misunderstood by the medical community. The last thing we want to do is argue with Aunt Betty Sue at Christmas dinner about something she read in the Flaming Sun. That said we should rub our butt on the curtains at the crack of dawn, and kiss a swan at the same time Holy Mary we would be healed! So if you don’t know can it. If you want to know ask. Questions are okay. However be prepared if we politely say a “not now please” or “can we talk about this later?”. Sometimes we grow sick of talking it. I want people to understand my illness, but it’s not easy to explain. I can’t give the low down in 2 minutes flat. So ya sometimes I’m like crapsiscles not today! I will come back to you though I promise. So please don’t give advice on something you know nothing about.

Never ask how we are just to be polite or because you feel that you have to. Then get annoyed when we discuss our bowel habits. If you don’t want to know don’t ask! Want to be polite say “you are the most purdy person ever!” or “how about that weather?” You can make other small talk without talking about our illness. You don’t want to hear about it then don’t bring it up. Chances are you bring it up.....we are going to talk about it. In very intense, descriptive poop, and to many farts, migraines make boogers come from my nose details.  

Don’t remind us of the things we used to do, that we no longer can’t. That maybe we can’t do as much. Trust me WE KNOW! We don’t need you to remind us. Being ill is hard. It’s like DEATH in the grieving process. We go through all the same emotions, shock, grief, anger, resentment, sadness, and eventually acceptance. You don’t know where we are at what time. Sometimes we slip backwards. Especially if we get a new diagnosis. We are very sensitive to those memories. We miss the old us, just as someone misses someone that has died. So leave that one alone. You want to help? Remind us of the things we can DO. We struggle to get things done. So say you are over for dinner? It took me twice as much energy as a healthy a person to cook it. Please say thank you. It took A LOT out of me to do so.

Don’t remind us of all the things we haven’t got done, or haven’t been doing. Like for me I’m a neat freak with house work. When you are chronically ill you have to divide you energy. Think of a pie graph you made in school. You think of the MOST important things. Then you break it down to the smaller things. So if dishes have to wait at the expense of me playing with my kids. What would you do? Or I have dishes to do, and laundry. I’m semi tired, and the laundry smells worse ding ding laundry wins! So if you come over don’t point out that I have dishes in my sink. Trust me they talk to me in my sleep. I know I have dishes in my sink. You want to be helpful wash them. My sister is a neat freak the same as myself. I appreciate it so much when she comes over, and just sweeps my floor, or washes my dishes. It might take her 10 or 15 minutes, but man it helps me so much! It bugs her as much as it does me, and she knows I don’t do it to be lazy. I was probably tired, or didn’t feel good, or busy pulling kids out of trees, or running them around etc; So don’t judge. Help! If you are around someone’s place a lot you are a good friend or family....so we wouldn’t mind your help. The best help is the help we DON’T have to ask for. When you are sick mentally we usually stay the same as we used to be, but physically we just can’t keep up anymore. So mentally I’m still the same neat freak hate my house a mess Dara, but the now sick me has to prioritize. I have to decide what is most important. When things are real bad someone else has to do it.

Don’t exaggerate an injury, pain, or illness. Especially if it has similarities to our chronic illness. As I said before we do a lot of research.....Also we are frequent flyers in the hospital, the doctor office, and the lab. We know the procedures well. We have had probes where no probes should have gone so save your self the embarrassment. We see through the little white lies. Just say it hurts like hell, or I’m sick as F! Or I don’t feel well. People with chronic illness tend to play down our illness so when you wanna play it up we are just shaken off our rocker a bit. When you tell us an injury is so bad you crawled to the bathroom, we think ya okay you would be in the hospital with a catheter in place by now.....I didn’t even crawl to the bathroom the day after a stroke. These things are hurtful to us, and insulting. Pain, and illness isn’t something that needs one upped. You want attention? Color your hair pink! Or do good things. Come spend time with my family. Help me when I’m at my worse without me asking. Give to the needy. That’s how you get attention, by doing good. Don’t fake an illness, and try to one up mine or any others illness it only pisses us off, and hurts us at the same time. So save the exaggerations for other people please? This hurts us. We have a fight everyday. With EDS we fight dislocations pain, and me POTS, and I gotta fight everyday. It takes a lot to roll out of bed. Even more to walk on an ankle I dislocated yesterday. Even more to smile, and YOU not know, about it. WHY? It’s not your problem. So we don’t want to hear about your sprang ankle took months to heal, and blah blah blah. Just simply say, “it hurt” leave it at that, or you may get coal or a lump of poop for Christmas.

Proud Marine Corp. Mama of One Strong Female Marine

People ask if I'm scared about Mallory joining the military. They say we are at war you know? Ya I do know how could I not. People raise their kids up, and say “oh they are still just babies” when they are like 20....Mallory became a women the day she signed that contract, and here is why she is no longer my baby. Would you want "your baby" responsible to carry a gun in the dessert? To hunt down the enemy? Would you leave you baby alone across the country with some man or women calling her or him maggot face, scum bags etc? Would you make you baby do 40 crunches within 2 minutes? Run within a given amount of time, weigh not above a certain weight? I think not! Mallory is no longer my baby. However she once was. As was all those men, and women in the military. They too once where a baby to their Mama, and Daddy too. They too raised them in a strict house hold where military rules are something they crave. They raised them so that they desire to stand up, and want to take care of all of you people. Even when you don’t care. When the pay sucks, when they are far away from home. They do it because they have to. Someone does......if they didn't who would? All those soldiers have a Mama just like myself. A Mama who is damn proud. Scared is not the word. I can’t think about that now. So why are you? Mallory didn’t when she signed her name on the dotted line. As did many soldiers before her. I think of the day I will see her graduate boot camp. All the promotions in ranks. No, no fear here.... Fear doesn't raise soldiers.......it raises pansy asses. I didn't raise a Marine let alone a female Marine by being gentle. I raised one by teaching her to kick fears ass. So you can be scared all YOU want to. That is why your kid isn’t a soldier. You see how could they be brave when you are not brave? Lead by example......that’s how I raised a Marine! Being a hard ass! That is also how I know she will do just fine!

Let's get started!

I wanted to start a blog for a long time. So finally here it goes!
EDS sucks. POTS sucks. Chronic illness sucks. One thing I refuse to let this illness take away is my sense of humor, and my strength. Without the two I would go mad, and be more ill. I promise I will not bring you a blog of only medical advice, and facts. There are enough of that on the web. What I will give you is funny, but with a real window into the life of what it’s like into MY world. I can’t promise I won’t get a little poetic from time to time. A lot of people know me, but don’t KNOW me. They don’t know about what I go through on a day to day basis. That’s why I started this blog, that, and I need a positive hobby. Mostly people need to see what I go through. I however don’t need nor want pity. I don’t even pity myself. I get my ass up almost everyday, and deal with it. Some days better than others......
I just want people to understand how hard it is. What my kids go through. What my husband goes through. Chronic illness doesn’t only effect the patient. It is hard on the whole family. I keep my sense of humor through it all, and I hope to help you keep one too. Humor, and happiness helps with the pain. It helps us move through the days easier. Plus well when life just sucks it’s easier to just go down laughing.........Hope you enjoy!