Monday, July 30, 2012
Hi all! You all have been great to me. But it has been time to move on to bigger things. So would you please follow me on my new website. www.illnesssuckfindfunny.com I finally did it! I got my very own website. Man it has been some hard work. But it will pay off. I'm sure that I will still need to change some things along the way. But I will keep learning. Now to plant my little seed, and watch it grow my frineds. You have not heard the last from me in the slightest. So please continue to follow me on my new BLOG. I would be so sad it you didn't. Much love to you all!
Saturday, July 21, 2012
You hear it all the time. I hear it all the time. I bet if I asked my kids they hear it often at school. I bet my Grandma June hears it all the time too. It's a phrase we all hear all the time. "I have a headache", and I'm sure you also hear the phrase "I have migraines" too. Sadly migraines is a term that gets thrown around these days. All too often. Doctors misdiagnose it. They get frustrated when a patient "has allot of headaches". People fake it. To miss work? To get attenttion? Or whatever reason I'm clueless to? Yes I have headaches, and yes I have migraines. I not only have Classic Migraines. I get to have Migraines with Aura, and Chronic Daily Headaches too. Then for fun every once in awhile my brain decides to throw a party, and I have Hemiplegic Migraine. These Migraines don't bullshit. They don't fuck around. They make me puke, shake, nose run, eyes water, smell cat pee or burning rubber, I'm sensitive to lights, sound, and I'm even sensitive to touch. Sometimes they make my speech jumbled, and my whole left side go numb. It might take me a week to gain it's use back. So I'm in a wheelchair, then cain, then walk again. These Migraines are very similar to a stroke. They feel like a stroke. The numbness weakness etc; Only in these Migraines there is no permanent damage. They think? Your brain usually heals, and you regain use of your body again. All while physical therapy, and occupational therapy have to be done. Every time I have one of these headaches. Not to mention that the headache I get when I get those headaches usually lasts a week or more. They migraines are leaving multiple lesions on my brain. So the doctors are unsure what damage they are doing to my brain. They speculate it is from me having Migraines in the same spaces every time. I also have Classical EDS. So I'm more prone to abnormal scar tissue, and not to mention I have a weak vascular system. Then there is the fact that these lesions are sometimes common in anyone with Migraines in general. So I was doomed to get them. Just at a faster rate, younger. Not to mention that people with migraines are at higher risks for stroke. So every migraine we get the risk is there. When people have prolonged Migraines the risk gets even higher. Me having EDS, and POTS my risk is huge. Me having a prior stroke my risk of another stroke is ginormous. So it's something I think about. Always. So think about that for one little minute. If I'm in a wheelchair, or I have a headache for a week who takes my place at home? Who feeds my kids? Cooks meals? Makes me a glass water when I want one? Because let me tell you something the pain with those is so bad YOU-DON'T-DO-SHIT-BUT-STAY-IN-BED!!!! Now maybe you start to see why this just might pose a problem, ey? Ummm ya? Me too. The doctors have tried hard to prevent them all they can. I'm on as many preventives one can be on. I figured out allot of food triggers, and stopped eating/drinking many of those foods. I slip up rarely sure. Rarely. I do all I can to prevent them. I do get way less these days, and that is a blessing. So to hear the term migraine thrown around so loosely just makes me wanna vomit in your Cheerios. I mean really? Do you think it's cool to amp up your hangover headache to a Migraine? Migraines are a neurological condition. That is why seizures medications are prescribed. Studies have proven that migraines are very similar to seizures in the fact that it's abnormal electrical activity within the brain. Seizures is one way the brain responds to these abnormal impulses, and Migraines is another. But it seems these days I hear lots of people are having 'Migraines'. I do know allot of my friends that do have Migraines. They also have EDS, or POTS, or maybe both. I also know people whom just have Migraines. I see them suffer. They know what a Migraine is really like, and they would never wish it on their worst enemy even if they pooped in their oatmeal. Because they know how much they suck! So why do people fake them? Why is it so cool to say "I have a Migraine"? My hubby gets headaches. They are not migraines, but none the less he gets some pretty bad headaches. He says "man my fucking head hurts like hell. I think I should take some medicine". So see there folks why is that so hard? Why do you think that trying to fake a neurological condition makes you cool? Sadly Migraines are easy to fake. And people do. Often. Just like orgasms.
Friday, July 6, 2012
When I feel bad I'm a bitch. When I'm sad I'm a bitch. When my body hurts you guessed it. Bitch status for sure. When I'm confused. Yep bitch. When instead I should say 'hey I need a hug.' Or maybe I could tell my husband 'it would feel great if you would hold me.' Or when it's physical things that bother me I could merely ask for a pain pill. Or a heating pad. Or even my hubby to rub my head when I have a migraine. Will he do these things. Most times yes. Will I ask? No. I just want him, and all others just by some mythical powers to.....just know. To know what I need. To know what I want. To state my needs, and wants makes me weak. Makes me less strong. Or so I have made myself think. It lessens my bad ass powers. Pussies sit around, and ask for drinks, and pills, and food. Ya, and stuff. So in my mind I have made myself think that if I ask for things it makes me weak........ I haven't always had things easy. So I live with this constant need for approval. I get mine by being a hard ass. By being tough. Well if I had to ease up the reigns, and be not so tough well then would I be me? I have already lost so much of me with this illness. What I do have left is my fight. My bad ass status. You take that away? Well then who am I? What am? What is left? Sorry folks I'm not set up to be Suzy House-maker. To sit around, and be all tra-la-la-la-la. In a nice dress, and heels. Who you can always count on to NOT make a scene in the grocery store. I cuss. I love tattoos. I do things the wrong way. I'm the chick who will be 80 with pink hair. I have no desire to conform. So if I have to start being all 'baby please hold me' then I feel like I will become a pussy. Yet then I cannot not go on treating those like shit when I hurt either? So what's a dame to do? I got myself in a little pickle. This is illness. This is life. It sucks sometimes. It's hard sometimes. I will not lie about it. I will not sugar coat it. I have been a bitch to live with for a feel days. I have had some of the worse pain EVER these past few days. I mean like walking on glass then legs feel like someone poured screaming hot lava in your skin. So then when I hurt I wanna piss myself. So I have to walk around with cross legs. Then that neuropathy pain triggers a migraine because I get lazy, and eat trigger foods. Then the pain itself causes a tension headache. The pain makes my heart goes crazy. Tachycardia like a mofo. Then mu colon gets jealous, and say me too! So it goes nuts, and poops 10 times a day. Ya I wanna get up to poop with lava feet! The pain has been so bad my pain pills hasn't touched it! But still I need to pull my head out of my ass. This is my family. It's not their problem I hurt. It's not their business. Just like I always tell others. NEVER TREAT PEOPLE LIKE SHIT WHEN YOU FEEL BAD. IT'S NOT THEIR PROBLEM, OR BUSINESS WHAT YOU GOT GOING ON. THEY GOT THEIR OWN DRAMAS. Well I need to take my own advice. My hubby is a good man, and my kids are good kids. They deserve a million gold stars fore putting up with me! I have been in one those 'oh I wish I was normal' ****banjo playing**** moods. I wish I was the old me. I wish I was normal. Sniff sniff. Fuck that! That shit is gonna happen about as soon as people quit bitching about government, politics, and religion. Ya see NEVER! So the sooner I suck it up the better. I just need to explain to my man what to say to me when I feel like this. Or to NOT say. I have been bummed sure. Lave legs, and pissing ones pants would do it to anyone! It never lasts long. So when I disappear for awhile just know it's one of my moods, and during these moods I don't play well with others. Yes baby even me has bad, unsocial, pist off moods. And it is okay. It's okay because I deal with that shit! I don't judge others that are not like me. The house wives, the anal no cussing folks. The Bible folks. Just as I expect the same no judgment here too. This world is large, and takes all kinds of folks to make it whole. I'm just one of them. I'm right. You are right. There are 1000 ways to do things. All of which are right. When I get confused like this I think of my favorite Pink Floyd song. In The Flesh. Here is my favorite part. With that I will leave you with this ramble. This is a day in my life. How it is. How I feel. Real uncut. Un perfect. Insane at times. No rainbow farts today. "Tell me is something eluding you, sunshine? Is this not what you expected to see? If you wanna find out what's behind these cold eyes You'll just have to claw your way through this disguise."