Tuesday, April 30, 2013

The Zebra Chair

The Zebra Chair

There it sits. Like a giant green monster. Something you fear. Just the same as the Boogie Man when you where eight. Or the monster that chased you in those scary night mares you had as child. It just creeps you out! You don't want to go near it for being in it's presence it may eat your soul! It's so intimidating, and over powering. Something that is nothing more than vinyl, metal, and plastic is so hard to welcome into your life. So your reject it. You say it's not time. I'm not ready. I'm okay. Pfhhhh I don't need it! I'm not that sick. I can manage on my own. I do okay without it.
Your doctor, probably your partner, friends, and some family members have been suggesting you get one. They say it's time to get a WHEELCHAIR.You decline. You are in denial. You go through the same denial process of when you first where diagnosed. 'Am I that sick?' 'I'm not that sick.' 'Screw this illness, I don't need this crap! Wheelchairs are for old ladies, and people that are paralyzed.' 'I can manage fine.' 'People will stare at me.' Ya ya ya I said all the same ol shit too. Don't think I didn't! And then add some many more excuses people! Oh man I had every damn excuse in the book of why I DIDN'T need a wheelchair. Yet deep inside I wanted so bad to be able to do more things with my family. Yet I had no genius plan yet up to that point how to do so?
I longed to spend more time with them. I wanted to be able to shop with my daughters again. For more than 10 minutes, and more than just a department store. I wanted to go to the mall, and people watch again. I wanted to take walks with my husband again outside in the cool breeze. Yet I knew I can't walk, or stand much. I wanted that security that if I had one of my hemiplegic migraines I could still go someplace. Yet I denied all this. I was okay! I didn't need a damn wheelchair I said! "people will stare, at me". "They will think I'm not really sick, and that I'm faking" This was my primary fear. I worried how would I get it in our car? In our house? Inside stores, other peoples houses etc; The list went on, and on. Yet my days being stuck in the house got more, and more. I was watching life through the window of my house. Life was passing me by. I was missing things! And my kids, and husband continued to carry on without me. I couldn't let them miss out on life because I was sick, and couldn't walk or stand much. So I got left behind...........
My doctor suggested I get a wheelchair. He advised one because of my POTS, the dizziness, and my hemiplegic migraines cause one sided weakness. I declined. He left it as "well let me know if you get ready for one" I did however accept the handicap placard finally. I was taking baby steps. I found myself staring at wheelchairs. I asked a few friends about them. They said "ya they give me freedom!" But yet I was still so scared! And I feared a wheelchair so bad. At that point I feared a wheelchair like the Boogie Man. I felt it I got one it would eat my soul! I guess I feared if I got one it was like I was giving up. That it was the final straw of my healthy days. That getting a chair I was officially all the way 100% sick. That no more of me was healthy. That I would no more be capable of doing any good with well anything............ That the any bit of my prior life would officially be gone. Like poof! Like a giant genie would come in, and steal it the minute the wheelchair would be delivered.
Then I had the stroke. There I was with left sided weakness, and I couldn't walk. So I had no choice. So the choice of a wheelchair, and walker got made for me. Something so surprising happened. No one stared at me! Other than to talk to me no different than they do now. They didn't judge me. Or yell at me, or harass me. The day after I was released from the hospital I went prom dress shopping with my girls for their Senior Prom. I wasn't missing that for the world! They gladly pushed me form store to store in the mall. Even my boys too. They didn't mind. My kids where all just happy that Mama got to go someplace with them. We went shopping, we got girls dresses, we ordered my son a cookie cake for his bday. We ate at food court, and had a cookie at cookie shop. I could have never stood that long!!!! So it was a great day! People where so nice to me. They didn't care. My kids didn't care. My kids where just happy I was there!
So then I was deeply saddened I didn't do this sooner. That I had waited so long to get the wheelchair. I wished I had done so sooner. This chair was no Boogie Man! It was my friend! It saved so much energy, and even provided a place for my girls to hang their bags. My boys fought over who got to push me. They where in no way ashamed of me being in that chair. They where full of joy I could be there with them. My girls where happy I didn't miss a happy moment in their life. My hubby, and I even got in some people watching while kids where in some of the stores. This is something we like to do in the mall. You see some interesting people in the mall I tell ya.
So a few weeks later I was staring at my chair, and I remembered seeing this tape in the store, and I said I'm going to make my chair cool. So my hubby, a neighbor, and I all drank a few cold ones, and 6 rolls Duct Tape later Zebra Chair was born! Now when I roll in Zebra chair people no longer see me. The see my chair. I get so many compliments on my chair! Then I tell them about EDS, and why it's Zebra. I wouldn't be me to not have a weird chair. Oh no! So meet Zebra Chair!
So if you are faced with the decision to get a wheelchair then do. Chances are you need one, and are in denial! I say to you "SUCK IT UP, AND GET THE DAMN CHAIR". Stop with the excuses, and the I don't wannas. Just do it! Think of what the chair will do for your life! The energy saved! And hey who gives a shit what other people think of you! It's about what you need, and how you feel. If you get your chair, and someone says something just say something back. Or flip them off. Or just roll on, and forget it. These idiots are not anything. Think about it if they are insulting a disabled person they must lead a sad pathetic life. So just keep rolling on.............
Do what you gotta do with whatcha got! It's all about you, and taking care of you. So you can better your life. So you can feel better. Even if for just a little bit. So think about it. If I can roll in a chair when needed. So can you!
Enjoying the sunset in my Zebra Chair
The beautiful sunset on our littlemountain

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