I've always been an open person. Yet still some people are curious as to why I blog? Why I so openly put my personnel life, and health information on the internet? Some feel I share to much that it's personnel info I should not let strangers know. Some think I talk about my health, and illness to much. That by doing so it will consume me, and eat my brains like a mad zombie. They believe that it makes me depressed, and brings me down. Others love my blog, and see now problems in what I do. So why do I blog?
First off it's not a substitute for personnel contact. Especially if you are family or long time friends. I do not blog to fill you in on what is going on in my life. However you can somewhat tell. You must remember blogging is like TV. We cant edit, and leave things out. So thinking can count on mu blog, or FB for all the info about me? Well of course I don't blog it all. I pick, and choose what I wish to include. I never intended that by being so open on FB, and starting a blog that I wanted people to stop calling me to ask personally how I was. I started a blog, and FB page to help myself cope. I like to write, and not being able to work anymore find myself so bored. So it was a low keep hobby that doesn't require allot of physical demand. And no it doesn't look me into an ocean of despair. The opposite exactly. Keeps me from bottling it in. It's a personnel release. But the real reason I blog is this. When I was first diagnosed I felt so alone, and confused. I myself reached out to the internet for support. So I'm returning that support, and combining something that I had already done since about 10. Write. I told myself even if I could help one person than it would be worth my while. As the numbers grow, and the comments keep coming in it reminds me of just WHY I do it. Sure I talk about it allot. How can I not? The pain from EDS, the crazy BP shifts from POTS, and migraines are with me daily. DAILY 24-7 I deal with this! If you dealt with something so often too you would talk about it also. Illness is apart of me. Just as for some it's their dogs, hobbies, cats, kids, books, TV shows, workout programs, diets, jobs, family, and friends. People talk about these things allot too. Why? Because it's important to them, and they are passionate about it. I have a life, and I promise I live it. Just with EDS, POTS, and migraines. But I do have a life, and I do things to make me happy.
It's not a glorified pity party. I don't need pity. Pity annoys me. I don't do it for money. There are no ads on my blog. I seriously doubt I will ever have any on my blog. I do it to help people 100%. Part of the helping people is also myself. I may talk allot, but when it comes to digging deep I have trouble putting that into words. But I can write it. So I do. When I'm feeling down I can write about it way easier than I can talk about it. It just feels natural to me. I love to make people laugh. So I said I would feel my blog with funny. Because this is how I often find myself coping in my hardest days. Making people laugh makes me happy. I also hope along the way that maybe I can help some of my readers families understand what they go through. Sometimes when you see that others with the same illnesses as your family member you tend to listen better. Often times family members think their loved one is over reacting, faking, or playing on their illness. When you can show them 'hey this happens to her too. All the time.' I find maybe it can help some. It helped me in the past with insomnia. Showing my husband the many others online with EDS, and POTS they suffer from insomnia too. It made him realize it wasn't just me not wanting to sleep. He realizes that it was a component to EDS, and POTS. So hey he needed to just try, and understand it as best as he could. And telling me "just go to sleep" wasn't going to work.
I will never change for anyone. My blog reflects me. It contains profanity because I cuss. It refers to poop allot because I talk about poop allot. It has pictures of toilets because I find them funny, and I can't say the word right. I say it turlet. So do allot of people in my family. My blog is mine. My personal space. To be me. Not fake. I was asked to remove the profanity so it could be posted on certain places. But cussing is me, and I will not change my blog or the way I write for anyone. That profanity gets me through my days. You don't like it I don't mind. There are plenty of blogs for the easy to offend eyes. But in my experience most people with chronic illnesses use profanity. Some rarely, some allot. And if you don't that's cool. But I do. They are just words to me. I may say allot of 4 letter words, but I do allot 4 letter things. Like hugs, love, cook, sing, fart, poop, kiss, walk, and look. So I balance myself out.
I blog to encourage. We all get discouraged at times (myself included), and reading something uplifting is helpful in my case. If I know that someone as sick as myself can do something than I probably can too. There are many blogs I read for laughs, some for good information. Some I just plain enjoy. But I always know on a down day I can be uplifted by others words. So I hope to be that to others. Sometimes the computer is all we have. Epically when you are very ill, and it's hard to get out. It's not that we don't want to get out, and about. Leaving home for us is complicated. Normal people just don't get us. So many of us stop trying to talk to our families, and friends about our issues. We give up on normal friendships as we have so many limitations. It's not depression or withdraw it's coping. We get sick of being rejected. There is nothing like when you are hurting, sad, and upset you are looking for certain words of support. When you don't get them it leaves you more down than when you started. We all need to hear "I'm there for you", "you can do this", and we like to reminded that "we are fighters". When a loved one doesn't say these things to us. We get discouraged. When you are normal it seems so petty that we need so much attention for what you feel is so little we do.
Normal people look at our lives, and think what is so hard? What is it she does all day that is so taxing? Well if you are normal than the answer would be allot of things I do aren't hard. To you a normal person. But to me taking a shower is hard. Cooking is hard. Cleaning is even harder. Being a Mom doing Mommy things takes me twice the energy. Think about it? If I'm sick in bed who cares for my kids? I just have to make do. I can't say "sorry starve". So some days getting out of bed is hard! So I need encouraged. Told that I'm doing great. That I can do it. So in return I share my life so that you all know that YOU CAN DO IT TOO. And I'm right here doing it with you. We will fight together.
In this world of this thing call EDS, POTS, and Migraines life can be tough. But hey writing these posts keeps my mind off the pain. So here I write, and I will continue to do so. Just to know I help someone, and make some of you laugh. Now off I go. My ass is falling asleep on the John. So gotta wrap this up. Yes I blog on the John. Pretty damn often. So here is to many more! Welcome to my world. I'm happy to share it!
Today I'm thankful for:
my husband
good sheets
corn bread
a good cigar
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