Monday, May 14, 2012

Love Is Unconditional Unless Your Life Sucks

We hear it all the time. "I will love you no mater what". "Call me if you need anything". "I will always be here for you". "Let me know what I can do to ease your pain?" "Call me anytime, night or day I don't care the time. I will do whatever it takes to ease your suffering". "I will do anything to help out. You are my family"."You are my friend. I'm here for you." "Your my neighbor I got your back" blah blah blah..... freaking blahbeey blah!

So you believe them. Each, and every time! Then when it doesn't happen you are left there with some serious emotional baggage to hold. Anger, sadness, and guilt. But mostly you ask yourself what did I do to deserve this? Is this something someone needs who is chronically ill? This added stress? As if we don't have enough worries.

 For example, I was recently in the hospital for a number of days, and only 2 family members called me. My Mother, and 1 sister. Now mind you I did get phone calls from several of my fellow Spoonies. There was not a day went by my fellow sick friends where not checking in on me. While I'm glad my Mom, and sister called me. It leaves me with the question? What about everyone else? I have in laws, and a whole lot more than one Mom, and one sister. I have a HUGE family. I thought I had more friends. I can't help, but hurt.I'm human.

Some say well they didn't want to bug you. They scared you where sleeping etc. My Father in Law called my husband many times each time telling him the whole "I didn't want to wake her up" or "I might wear her out". He would tell him how worried he was about me. Man translation. If I wear to to talk to my daughter in law, and she said she wasn't doing good or that I sensed it I would worry worse. I'm a man I can't fix her so I will just stay away until someone can fix her. I understand. That is just how he is. He then followed that by. "Son I'm worried about you. How are you holding up? Did this scare my Grand kids? Are they okay?" He was concerned. A couple phone calls from others to the hubby "oh what's wrong with her?" Doesn't count people!

Guests in the hospital? Other than hubby, and kids. One! My daughters' GySgt came to visit. While this made me happy as I love her company, and I was happy to have a guest. She is a blast to talk to. Really? Family? Friends? Nope. I know allot live far away, but allot don't. This hurt me bad.

Made me realise that my illness has become just another day to everyone else. I'm no longer a person. A sister, an aunt, a cousin, a great friend. I'm just the sick chick which is sick all the time.

So call me an asshole. Call me wrong. I don't care. Is it so much to ask that when someone is in the hospital that you call? Just quick say 'thinking about you'. Especially family? That maybe you could go help with my kids? Maybe please?  Especially when my kids are home alone taking care of themselves? No one to help. And my family is how big? Everyone is busy? Really? All at the very same same time? Every day all day? Each, and every crisis I have had? Surgeries? I live in Arkansas not Africa. You don't have to cross the Red Sea, and get a Butt Exam buy Udo to get here.  There where times I helped many of you. Especially before I become so ill! I remember taking care of kids, helping people move, helping remodel houses, talk about problems, hang out, shopping trips, loaning people money, dog sitting, babysitting, always cooking for Lot's of people, and much more! So now when it's my turn I'm getting a whole lot of nothing.

I have a right to be pist.
I'm human.

Don't get me wrong I have a few people that are there for me. Always the same ol' people I can count on. That isn't what this is about. Nope not THOSE people. Not the ones who helped Scott, and I all these past few years of struggle until my disability came. Not the one who helps me now when I struggle. Nope not them! Sad thing is those people are the BUSIEST, and the most broke (money wise one of them) yet they give, give. The other has time for me when others don't. How does that work? Nope not those people. Which it's a SMALL number believe me! Which it shouldn't me. When I belong to a pack so big.

Surround yourself  around those that bring positive into your life, and cut out the negative. Your heart depends on it.

"Happiness is one heavy metal song away"
~Paul~ :)

We can all relate to this song. It helps me not feel angry anymore. It makes me laugh... It's just one of those days! You know what's cool? When I'm granted a new day tomorrow it can all change. For the better! But for today I'm going to embrace the suck. Piss, and bitch about it. Not everyone can be happy all the time. Because if they where well then they are on some serious dope.

Tomorrow will be a new day, and maybe just maybe a new outlook. I said maybe. ;)



  1. I'm sorry hun...I know how it seems the sicker I get the more people I lose, and they were awful happy to be here when I could plan the events, do the cooking, the cleaning, the listening,, too much trouble I guess....Sadly, I think most of us experience this...Hugs

  2. I know Brandy. It's sad. But sadly you guys all understand. But dang it I don't want you to. I want things to be different. :)

  3. This was a good blog post, a lot of people really don't understand how the patient or one's going through feel with chronic or terminal disease, the patients used to unload on me all the time when family walked out of the room, most of the time they just wanted someone to listen....some I took care of for nothing their insurance ran out, than they would say well I want to pay you....I knew they could not afford that....but I also knew they wanted to do what they could I would say....a cup of coffee is just fine, it's husband very tired laughed and said really you work for a cup of coffee?? I go sure do...when one had no washer I brought her laundry home, and it was a month's worth, but she had no way to go do it, she was just thrilled to have clean clothes....but that is me, and I know several other people that do things like this also....The culture to day is strange, apathy at it's worst....but there really some good people still....sometimes just hard to see them....

  4. Of course I have been destitute and had I think maybe that is the difference, I have been through it.....when ever I met someone in need, I always thought , man I would not want someone treating my parents like that, or my kids like that or the abused woman, battered...I think sometimes, why do people just walk by them, has society become so blind...?....Every one keeps waiting for them, or they to do it, what folks don't realize is they are the them and they.....I have worked with some pretty tough doctors, but when a loved one became ill, their attitude changed, and they were better doctors......No one can escape illness or disease, sooner or later someone in the family group will go through it....and than attitudes change. I don't regret taking care of two husbands that died (it was stressful in both) I don't regret taking care of my great aunt till her daughter got moved to help her, I don't regret taking care of my 97 year old father in law (when no one wanted him and the one sweet sister in law was tired, and I also took care of him with a husband with cancer at the same time) and I don't regret taking care of my was stressful all those 200 or so trips, but they were my mom and dad....and when I was ill and had to learn how to walk again....they did not give up on me....the nurse asked me just before dad died, you don't quit do you?? I go how can I they did not give up on me.......

  5. I could be hateful or bitter, but life is to short, and I enjoyed being able to take care of is just me....and it is love...
    It is one gift I was able to give them, just taking care of them.I practice what I preach, I live by faith....not religion and always have.
    7 hours ago · Like

  6. The last 3 comments are by my Mother. She left them on my FB page when I shared my blog post there. I wanted to share what she wrote here. As it is very important. As what she write was from her heart. This is where I have learned to give! And then give some more. :) She is also one of the few that I have been able to count on these past few rough years. Even though they have been rough for her too. As my dad had died. She is living in her own the first time ever in her life. She married right out of HS. So left her parents house married. Now she is alone the first time ever in many many years. Scary stuff. But she is doing it, and never said she wouldn't stop to give me a hand. Even though she doesn't have much either. We kinda put our two nothings in a pot make a little something.....