So you believe them. Each, and every time! Then when it doesn't happen you are left there with some serious emotional baggage to hold. Anger, sadness, and guilt. But mostly you ask yourself what did I do to deserve this? Is this something someone needs who is chronically ill? This added stress? As if we don't have enough worries.
For example, I was recently in the hospital for a number of days, and only 2 family members called me. My Mother, and 1 sister. Now mind you I did get phone calls from several of my fellow Spoonies. There was not a day went by my fellow sick friends where not checking in on me. While I'm glad my Mom, and sister called me. It leaves me with the question? What about everyone else? I have in laws, and a whole lot more than one Mom, and one sister. I have a HUGE family. I thought I had more friends. I can't help, but hurt.I'm human.
Some say well they didn't want to bug you. They scared you where sleeping etc. My Father in Law called my husband many times each time telling him the whole "I didn't want to wake her up" or "I might wear her out". He would tell him how worried he was about me. Man translation. If I wear to to talk to my daughter in law, and she said she wasn't doing good or that I sensed it I would worry worse. I'm a man I can't fix her so I will just stay away until someone can fix her. I understand. That is just how he is. He then followed that by. "Son I'm worried about you. How are you holding up? Did this scare my Grand kids? Are they okay?" He was concerned. A couple phone calls from others to the hubby "oh what's wrong with her?" Doesn't count people!
Guests in the hospital? Other than hubby, and kids. One! My daughters' GySgt came to visit. While this made me happy as I love her company, and I was happy to have a guest. She is a blast to talk to. Really? Family? Friends? Nope. I know allot live far away, but allot don't. This hurt me bad.
Made me realise that my illness has become just another day to everyone else. I'm no longer a person. A sister, an aunt, a cousin, a great friend. I'm just the sick chick which is sick all the time.
So call me an asshole. Call me wrong. I don't care. Is it so much to ask that when someone is in the hospital that you call? Just quick say 'thinking about you'. Especially family? That maybe you could go help with my kids? Maybe please? Especially when my kids are home alone taking care of themselves? No one to help. And my family is how big? Everyone is busy? Really? All at the very same same time? Every day all day? Each, and every crisis I have had? Surgeries? I live in Arkansas not Africa. You don't have to cross the Red Sea, and get a Butt Exam buy Udo to get here. There where times I helped many of you. Especially before I become so ill! I remember taking care of kids, helping people move, helping remodel houses, talk about problems, hang out, shopping trips, loaning people money, dog sitting, babysitting, always cooking for Lot's of people, and much more! So now when it's my turn I'm getting a whole lot of nothing.
I have a right to be pist.
Don't get me wrong I have a few people that are there for me. Always the same ol' people I can count on. That isn't what this is about. Nope not THOSE people. Not the ones who helped Scott, and I all these past few years of struggle until my disability came. Not the one who helps me now when I struggle. Nope not them! Sad thing is those people are the BUSIEST, and the most broke (money wise one of them) yet they give, give. The other has time for me when others don't. How does that work? Nope not those people. Which it's a SMALL number believe me! Which it shouldn't me. When I belong to a pack so big.
Surround yourself around those that bring positive into your life, and cut out the negative. Your heart depends on it.
"Happiness is one heavy metal song away"
Tomorrow will be a new day, and maybe just maybe a new outlook. I said maybe. ;)
*****STEPS OF SOAP BOX*****