Tuesday, April 24, 2012

To Take Pills? Or Not To Take Pills?

Having Ehlers Danlos Syndrome is a real pain in the ass. I do mean that literally, and figuratively. I have Sacroiliitis, and it causes me pain. Also stiffness, and even makes the joint hot to the touch all the time. It also causes problems for my pelvis in general. So don't ever play spank me. Oh no don't ever. Mama will come around swinging every time. I also have Scoliosis, problems with my knees,  shoulders, neck, hands, feet, and I get frequent migraines. I'm sure I left things out. As when things are painful they all just blur together after awhile. You know like the Charlie Brown teacher?

All these things hurt, and they hurt very bad. It is not will I have pain on a given day. It is how bad will I have pain on a given day. So that leaves me with the question? How do I control my pain? Pain makes me a bitch. Pain makes me slow. Pain makes me tired. Pain makes me sad. Pain makes me not me. It makes me act in ways I would never act if I was pain free. I'm a happy go lucky hippy. I love everyone. I write poetry. I'm hyper, love to cook. I'm always making crafts, and I always have this positive out look. Yes despite having a chronic illness this is how I'm. I'm the funny girl. Always cutting a joke. Making you laugh. In pain I'm a pist off bitch. Ready to snap at the least little thing. I can't take a joke let alone make one. Chores are mountain to me. I feel like they will never get done, and I'm not thrilled to do them as I'm tired! Also in pain!

When in pain things that are little are big. Quiet, loud. Kids only mildly annoying, feel like they have been whining for a century. I have zero tolerance, and instantly all family members others than my hubby are bat shit crazy. Yep if they are that crazy I can run them off. Off to a far away place where things just kinda disappear. Like socks, keys, candy, money, and bacon. In pain I settle for things I would never deem appropriate otherwise. Like feeding the kids fast food, letting them stay up a little later. Things effect my body different. When I'm in pain I can here a mouse fart across the house. A simple stroke of my arm feels like you are using a cheese grater. A simple hello sounds to me like HHHHEEEELLLLOOOO!!!! Most smells send me puking like a crazy pregnant lady. Lights suck, sounds suck, and even my ever beloved heavy metal music might be to much. I dislike talking on the phone, and dread going in public. Then I feel bad for doing none of the above. My mental me, and physical me rarely jive anymore.

So pain doesn't work for me. Not only does it physically hurt. It takes away my time from my family. It cost me money. It causes me stress, and anxiety. It causes my family stress,  and well it sucks! Sucks more than a cheap porno!

I have a lovely pain management doctor. Whom I'm thankful understands EDS somewhat. She was kind enough to explain to my husband how pain effects the brain, and mood. That it was not just me that pain makes pist off. Pain really does effect your mood. She suggested a few journal articles that he read. That helped allot. For him to know that pain was 'playing with my mind'. Not just me flipping out, and being a bitch just because I felt it was a cool thing to do.

Having EDS, and a good doctor I have choices on my pain management therapy, and I'm very thankful. I'm glad that she listens to me about what works, an what does not. Like she doesn't assume PT will make it all better. I know there is a time, and a place for PT, but for pain management? No. Injury? Maybe? She tells me I don't utilize my medication enough, like I should. This is what worries me. I told her once that I worried I would become addicted to the pills. She then informed me that I was no where near habit forming level. I'm not taking near the amount of pills for it to even be of an concern. I'm not on a high enough narcotic at this point for it to be of a concern. Out of all her patients I was at the bottom of her concern. As I just don't take that many pills. In fact she gets after me to take more pills. That I shouldn't sit around in pain. Who am I trying to prove things to?

I'm not Superwomen. Why should I keep trying to be? To prove things to. Pills, and me have a hard time. I take the pills they relieve my pain. I get more done. I'm not a bitch. I can play with my kids. I can cook. I can clean. I can sleep. You would think it would be a no brainer right? So why do I struggle so much? Yet each time I'm in pain it's a viscous cycle? Why? Well that is probably a question I have come to as close to answering as where all lost socks go? Or why kids eat boogers? Or what are cartoonist thinking (or smoking) when they write modern day cartoons? Who thinks up words? hmmmmmmm

So you think if I fashioned wearing a cape it would help?

1 comment:

  1. What articles did your doctor give you? I would love to read them...